by Zatoichi Wed Aug 14, 2013 9:48 am
YOU see Takeshi this sounds a lot more story driven and very believable. It engages your character Takeshi along with the rest of the class as well showing the unexpected turn of events with meeting a girl as well dealing with problematic classmates. Despite it all this would be a good example of trying to take the time and formulating your posts.
I want you to look at how this was created and be sure to try to attempt to create your posts in a manner much more story driven like this. By all means this is your exact same post that you wrote. The only thing is I chopped it up and gave it a bit more love with everything you wanted to bring forth in that posts of yours.
This is the day when Takeshi needed to join the Academy to improve his skills as a shinigami. The day started as always with a quick shower and fresh garments so that he doesn’t smell like he just woke up. Wanting to look his best for the instructor and potential comrades in the academy, Takeshi held a profound pride from within that no matter what he’ll stay positive with anything he is tasked with completing. When he entered through the Academy building he had difficulty figuring out where to sit since it was quite packed for the first day of orientation. Glancing and walking down the aisles, Takeshi saw a few free seats next to some loud creepy guys. And though he was quite shy he had also spotted some more next to a girl. A bit gun shy and timid, Takeshi just too this opportunity to avoid sitting next to the knuckle head guys and went to sit next to the girl who was more spunky and excited with this orientation than any other in the class.
Uneasy as he sat down, worried for what this instructor would turn out to be like kept Takeshi concerned more so with what could happen. Though attempted to shut down and wait he overheard an unexpected but sweet voice respond to him. “Hi what’s your name if you don’t mind me asking, I am Yukira,” The girl said who was sat right next to him. A bit choked up, Takeshi made his best effort to show kindness and respond back, “My….my name is Takeshi!” With a random nervous smile he tried to hide his nervousness that was only moments from happening with the instructor and this first day of class. Yukira did the same and smiled much more heavily as she wasn’t in the least bit worried as her smile alone was enough to give Takeshi a relief that everything will be alright.
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A few moments after seeing the class fill up with the new classmates that had been accepted into the Academy this year Zatoichi Martinez who is also the squad elevens captain as well as an instructor in the Shino Academy. Because the gotei is very short handed and in recovery for potential instructors a lot of the bulk of work is circulated amongst seated officers as well captains that have the time to help out. Zatoichi was a tall man of great stature, long flowing white hair that reached near the ends of his ankles. Proud and accepting of all his officers who had the edge to be strong and fearless, though he hated stupidity in his officers and was very quick to give them discipline should it be needed.
Doing so shun away a lot of potential upcoming shinigami from every joining his squad as they opt to join other places in the process. Though he could care less as his squad wasn’t for the timid and weak minded, the man had done a great deal of training and showed strong will to get to where he was at. Those that tested him knew they were picking a perfectionist when it came to leadership and training.
Reaching the podium as he oversees the entire class, Zatoichi speaks with a strong and clear tone in his voice. Unlike other captains that some on rare occasions will get the chance to meet will see that they show more compassion in helping out. Zatoichi isn’t a type to be compassionate so testing that patience can cost some much worse. “Alright today class I would like for you all to stand up and tell me a little bit about yourself, What do you wish to receive within this Academy and which areas of expertise are you hoping to excel or make the backbone for yourself? Don’t tell me which squad you want to join because that is not important right now so please when you are ready speak loud and clear,”
Giving the floor to the rest of the potential students to speak, Zatoichi waits patiently to see how the first few will want to respond back. He’ll use this as a way to test them from the start of how they speak and hold themselves even now.
Wed Jan 03, 2024 12:18 pm by Senetue
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